Orthopedics

I have written much on the value of a dedicated and totally committed marriage. More than ever, I recognize the power of a sacred union as a safeguard against stress.

A question I have been asked is how does one deal with temptation. Temptations are all abound. And it could be easy to “stray” in a weaker moment. It is better to ask why one feels vulnerable.

Psychologists tell us we break our vows in search of intimacy. The fact that certain conversations may go too far indicates your relationship with your spouse is in need of repair. Let the temptations be a warning sign that you need to quickly address your loss of emotional closeness with your spouse. Seek the help of a therapist. Make time to rekindle the flames of passion. Get to know your spouse again.

Looking for intimacy elsewhere is indeed a symptom that you have lost that all important emotional communion with your spouse.

Many spiritual writers proclaim a universal “truth” – we will receive in return what we “put out there” to the universe. This phenomenon has been described as “karma,” the law of attraction or simply the Law of the Echo. In other words, we receive positive or negative energy in accordance to what signal we emit.

For example, one who complains criticizes and finds fault with others will attract negative events and people into their lives. The negative emotions one emits will bring back to that person energy of a similar frequency. Chronic complainers tend to hang out with each other. Have you ever noticed how you feel after being with someone who is hypercritical? I guarantee your mood declines.

This concept of negative emotions also gives credence to this law. I have had mornings where one unfortunate occurrence seems to have led to a cascade of negative events. The misplaced cars keys led to hurried breakfast, spilled coffee, skipped love letter to my wife, mindless speeding on the expressway only to arrive to a meeting late which put me into a negative mindset before “the big case.” One negative feeling was attracted a series of negative events. And yes ... the case didn’t exactly flow effortlessly.

“Procrastination is attitude’s natural assassin. There’s nothing so fatiguing as an uncompleted task.” – William James

William James, noted psychologist of the late 19th century, certainly knew a thing or two about burnout. Many stress management gurus discuss a focus on energy management, rather than time management, as a means to stay resilient.

Procrastination simply saps us of our energy and erodes our soul. We slowly deplete our “life force within” and have less to give to our families, friends and patients. There is even emerging evidence that procrastination potentiates illness, from insomnia to immune dysfunction.

I visited my 88-year-old mother in her assisted living facility this past weekend. As I customarily do, I just sat in her apartment and listened to her concerns as I watched one of her favorite religious programs on television (at 100 decibels as my mother refuses to get hearing aids).

As the year draws to a close, it is an opportune time to reflect on the quality of our lives. Perhaps the best question we can all ask ourselves is “how peaceful am I”? Peace and joy are sadly lacking from many in medicine. This is particularly important for physicians – peaceful physicians render better care of their patients, have more to give to their patients and families and are more resilient.

How can we become more peaceful and joyful? The answer lies in ourselves, not our conditions. In essence, it depends on our thinking.

“If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.” – Abraham Lincoln

One of the quickest paths to resiliency is to nurture and develop a forgiving and non-judgmental heart. When we judge others and enter “attack mode,” we quickly descend into negative energy. Our mood degenerates, energy dissipates and we simply are less available to our patients, family and friends.

My wife, Marie, and I just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. I planned a 5-day getaway to Bermuda, where we blessed to have sunny skies and pink beaches. One fine day we embraced each other then looked into each other’s eyes and symbolically stated to one another, “how in the name of God did we do it?” All I can do is share my part. I have found the following principles invaluable in the promotion of a solid marital union. Commitment. I was raised Catholic and I reg...

As my Jewish friends and colleagues celebrated the Holy Day of Yom Kippur, I am reminded of one of the greatest spiritual writers of our time, Rabbi Abraham Heschel. Heschel was a Polish-born American rabbi and one of the leading contemporary Jewish theologians. His life was characterized by faith in action as he ardently opposed racism and the Vietnam War. His writings reflect a deep spirituality and openness to the Divine in all.

Heschel’s quotes on three realms – commitment, mindfulness and regard for the aged and infirmed – have been especially useful to me in my quest to become a better “healer.”

Several years ago I attended an American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons lecture given by a military flight instructor. He compared preparation for flying missions to the preparation needed for surgery. I cannot think of a lecture that has more profoundly affected my approach to surgical preparation. Indeed, orthopedic surgeons can learn a great deal from fighter pilots.

Yesterday I visited my Uncle Tony – Anthony Kosierowski – in a nursing home in Wilkes Barre, Pa. Uncle Tony is 90 years old and is receiving hospice care because his body is failing. Confined to a wheelchair, he indeed is a shadow of his old self. His once robust 6’1” frame once served him well as a coal miner, machinist, laborer and, perhaps most importantly, as a soldier. Now the ravages of heart disease, arthritis and dementia are becoming more manifest each week. Indeed his passing is near.